You met me at a very strange time in my life.


I find you very fascinating. All I want to do is talk to people about you. About how you make me feel. I could dominate a whole conversation with people about how great you are.

You are not my typical anything, but somehow uniquely everything. I want you, I want all of you. You are everything that I want. I’ve given everything I’ve got, but it’s not enough for you. You still dont trust me.

I continued giving you everything, but you still don’t trust me.

Now I’m running out of me to give out to you, and you still don’t trust me.

I’m never enough.

OHMYFUCKINGOD I can’t sleep thinking of you. Thinking about your smile, your laugh, how your fingers felt interlocking with mine while I’m driving and the thought of how comfortable you are when you take off your shoes and rest both of your legs agains my car dasboard. How are you super cute? How is your displease grunt whenever I stare at your little toes – that you dislike so much – make you even cuter.

I’ve been getting this nocturnal disease lately, and it is all caused by you, by your laugh. You are the first person that I think of in the morning when I wake up, and the last person I think off before I go to sleep. I guess it all comes down to the last person you think of at night. That’s where your heart is.

In French, you don’t say “I miss you,” you say “tu me manques,” which means “you’re missing from me.” That’s heavy. That means you are part of me, love. And what does that say about you, that means you are important. Part of me. Anything that is part of someone and it’s now missing will make that person crippled. Powerless. Helpless.

You’ve changed something that I can usually enjoy alone becoming meaningless. How can you change something that I like for years into something about you. I’m sipping my favorite drink that I’d normally drink with you alone, and it’s tasteless. That’s how much you’ve grown into me.

And in this moment, I swear that there is nothing in this universe heavier than the absence of you.

I fucked myself getting attached to you.

Do you know how I assure you that you’re forever to me? I take you to places that you’ve never been to… and I’ve never been to. So that you can never go back there without recalling me and how we felt toward each other. And we will visit all the places you have never visited in this city. I will not leave a place for the next guy to take you.

Oh, that and I got a tattoo with you.

You have just redefined the term “sweet” for me, love. No one has ever shown how much they care about me like how you did that night. When I couldn’t think straight, when I didn’t know what to do or how to feel, when I couldn’t even eat right, you knew what I needed was you. Aside from not having seen you for days… you showed up. You actually showed up in my tough time. Thank you for that, and thank you for the calming hugs and the talks.

And I miss you even more now. I miss staring at those round eyes of yours. And your dimple. hhhhhhhh…..

I see the pattern now, whenever I don’t see you for more than 48 hours, the next time I’m going to see you I will have the jitters. Sweaty palms, racing heartbeats, unable to concentrate at work. Dying basically. Dying to see you, that is. I would be counting down to the minute to seeing you. It has been more than 3 days now and I’m reaaally hoping to see you tomorrow, and you won’t believe how the sweaty palms and the crazy heartbeats is making me tossing and turning in my bed right now. Seeing you is such a special moment for me.

You’re so lovely, how are you even real?